u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you traded sex for a burrito?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
