he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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