Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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