Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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