we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
