does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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