the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
