so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is my gift to your gina
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
