Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
