So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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