How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
