I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize