do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
