So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
