And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
