what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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