My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize