I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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