Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
