why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
