I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My ass is underappreciated
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
