yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
