all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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