I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
