Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
