He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
