Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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