My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize