I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He passed out mid-signature
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize