I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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