): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
