i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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