Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
