My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ok first of all what the fuck
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
