I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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