my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize