So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
