Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
