I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The air taste purple.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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