I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
