I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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