Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
