Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
