You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to be your penis for a week.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
