Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
