she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
false alarm. still invincible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
