using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
