As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
