Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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