YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she told me i tasted like america
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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