I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
