I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
