The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
