I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
