Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
