I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
