I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
