You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
