It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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