You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
