oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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