she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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