My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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