those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bring money and cleavage
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
