The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
