Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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