i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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