Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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