I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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