I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
