Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
