This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
