that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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