It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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