i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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